Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize