You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize