she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
