laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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