Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
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