Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You ate ashes out of my bong
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
