after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize