i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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