ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
