Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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