I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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