you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
