hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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