Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
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