So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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