I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
