Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
