Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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