I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
