even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
