Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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