he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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