dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
