i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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