dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
This baby is an asshole
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
