I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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