Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
