as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Too much gin, very little bucket
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
