Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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