"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
