Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
