I wanna passion pit in your ass
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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