I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
