i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
