my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
