just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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