I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
