I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
