yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
