She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Randomize
