And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
