I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
