My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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