I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
