Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize