Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Randomize
