I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
