this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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