all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
