You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
false alarm, still single
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
