U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
