Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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