the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
