i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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