She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
