don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
