her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
