im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
