my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize