I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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