i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
