Soap is not a condiment
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize