before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
