Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
