Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Pants are for mortals
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
