So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
