i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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