Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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