we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Randomize