I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Randomize
