U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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